Gotta live it up while life goes on.

Got my ticket for Bamboozle a few days ago.

I am now figuring out ways to save up money to get to New Jersey. wh0o0o0o0t. So fucking excited, such a sexy line up.

Andrew Jackson Jihad was amazing.

The show was awesome. Too short (ended around 9), but still fucking great. Going to shows keeps me alive. Music keeps me alive. Literally. 

I rarely ever enjoy being alive. I mean, I do have some good moments that I enjoy for the time being, but I am never truly happy. I’ll never amount to anything and I have absolutely no point in being here. I’m pointless. I’m not necessarily amazing at anything I do. I’m afraid to do things that I love due to my insecurities, like starting a band. I’ve wanted to be a singer in a band for as long as I can remember, but it’s just impossible with the way I am. I’m the most socially fucked up person that I know (other than my sister, so I guess my parents just really screwed us up). I feel like I’m constantly trapped, I feel like I’m the person I never wanted to be. I don’t think I’m ever going to change, I’m incapable of doing so. My life has been consistently horrible for years now. I’ve been fucked up for years and I only get worse. I wish I could come out of my shell, I wish things could get easier, I wish I had the balls to get the fuck out of here and do something about it. I hate being depressed, I hate being me.

Anti-Flag always put on such great fucking shows, it was even better than when I saw them in 2010. At the end, the drummer brought down his drum set and started drumming in the middle, while everyone made a circle around him. It was awesome. But I am bruised more than I have ever been in my life, can’t wait to actually see the bruises on my body in the morning. That place needs some barriers that don’t fucking kill the people up front, holy shit. I thought I was going to break my wrist at one point. I’ve been to a fuckload of shows in my life and that was definitely the most painful, though it was awesome and well worth it. Wow, do I feel happy and alive. Shows honestly revive me. Music is everything to me.

Another show in four days. (: I’m always on a roll, motherfuckaaarz.

Why do people here seem to care so much about being from Chicago? I mean, people from the suburbs. I don’t get it. You’re from wherever you’re from, who gives a shit. And being born in Chicago doesn’t mean it’s your actual hometown. Also living in Chicago when you were a fucking baby doesn’t matter either. It’s where you’ve lived for years and have grown up in that is considered your hometown. It’s just annoying, I actually being from Chicago, hearing every other annoyance argue over this for some fucking reason. It’s not even that special to be from Chicago, just shut the fuck up already. It doesn’t make your suburban ass any different.

Tried to sleep, woke up disgustingly depressed. Tried to sleep again, woke up even worse. Now it’s 4 AM and I know that I won’t be getting any sleep today, this always happens when I try to sleep normally. I’m so fucking sick of this, I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to be alive. Depression is horrible, I can’t do this anymore. I’m going to have to end this pathetic excuse of a life very soon because I have this fucked up brain, these fucked up emotions, and I will never get better.

Being an observer makes you see everyone as who they are on the inside, which is usually not the greatest thing. Among all of the “friends” I’ve ever had, I’ve been the outsider. I’ve always been on the outside, looking in, figuring out what kind of a person everyone is. I don’t personally know anyone else that’s this way, but I’m sure there are many others. It’s that one quiet person in your group of friends. The one you always forget is there, even though they always are. The awkward one that watches everyone and doesn’t say much. I like to observe, but it shows me the true ugliness of the majority of people I’ve met in my life. This doesn’t necessarily mean that the person is horrible, but being so observant makes me so easily annoyed by everyone around me. I notice every little, annoying quirk. I notice every hypocritical thing they say. I notice when they try to act different due to certain situations. I notice when they lie. I notice when they try too fucking hard. I can’t see people as how they want others to see them, I just can’t. You know how most people say everyone is beautiful and all that bullshit? I disagree. I usually see the ugliness in everyone. This may make me a bitch, but it’s okay, I probably don’t like you anyway (and I don’t plan on changing that).

Viper has an upper respiratory infection. This sucks, I don’t want to lose my best friend.

Almost finished. wh00twh00t. I like the feeling of something other than the internet consuming a few days of my life.