The passage of time frightens me more than anything else.
There are things that I wouldn’t dare to mention on here. I don’t have a safe place where I can truly be myself and let all of the jagged emotions smoothly pour out. It’s improbable that anyone even comes across this blog anymore, but it’s surely not impossible. I could always start anew, but what’s the point anyway? Once again, I’m at a loss for words, mostly because I see no reason. Why am I here? I can’t really answer that. All I know is that I’m hoping 2014 is better than what this terrible year turned out to be. I want this illness of the mind to disappear. I’d rather be completely numb. I’d rather be ignorant.
My depression is too persistent. It’s been this way for years and I can’t seem to catch a break. Sometimes, usually when I’m overtired and it’s a brand new morning, I feel the tiniest sliver of hope. That hope fades away faster than I could remember what it exactly feels like.
I always thought having a top post on a subreddit would be awesome. This is not awesome, people are obnoxious, and the comments won’t stop coming.
Wow, I have not been on here in a long time. I’m thinking about frequenting tumblr again, but I’m not sure. Well, a lot has happened since the last time I posted on here. A lot more than I care to remember, therefore I won’t bother updating anyone on much, not that anyone reads my posts. The most important thing though is that I now have an apartment of my own with my boyfriend and we’ve been together for a little over a year. Life is crazy. This is the boy I had a crush on for years, the boy I wrote about in here when he was dating a different person and I couldn’t do anything about it.
I also have a dog and two more rats, making it four rats in total. Hmm. I have three more piercings since the last time I posted here. That’s all I can think of. I’m not particularly in the mood to write so I’ll stop before I make a mess.
There is no point. Everything always hurts. Everyone always ends up fucking you over. All I ever feel is pain and I’ll never get anything else out of life.
"I don’t believe in (the Christian) god for exactly the same reasons that you don’t believe in Vishnu, or Thor, or Ai Apaec, or Moloch, or any of the other myriad supernatural creatures that ancient man invented to help explain the universe to him."
I can’t do this for the rest of my life. I can’t stand feeling like this all of the time.